Can love be arranged????

Before starting, I would like to congratulate two of my cousins, Anuj and Abhinav, who are all set to get married!! It's going to be a love marriage for Anuj and an arranged one for Abhinav. 

Talking about love and arranged marriages, I would like to share some recent incidents. Nearly one week back, I would have added another name to the list above, that of my cousin S. Few days back, he got a marriage proposal(for arranged marriage) through some of his distant relatives. Initially he was quite hesitant to meet the girl thinking about family pressure, whether he would like her or not, whether she would like him or not, etc etc. When he finally met the girl, she turned out to be above his expectations. She was pretty, sweet, soft-spoken and seemed quite family-oriented. Seemingly even she liked S. They talked for nearly two-three hours and asked for a day's time to say final yes or no. As it was quite evident from their meet, they both said a formal yes and then began their telephonic/sms/whatsapp conversations. Through the conversations, S discovered that she was much different from what he had thought of her in their first meeting. It might have been the same scenario on the girl's side as well. Within few days of formal yes, the engagement was called off citing some strange(and not actual) reasons.  

Another cousin of mine, V, got married to his girlfriend R, nearly four years back. They both worked and lived in NCR and visited V's parents(who lived in Delhi) during weekends. Few months back V's mother passed away in an accident. After his mother's death, V had to look after his father and younger brother. Therefore he decided to shift back to Delhi. However,  this decision didn't go down very well with R. She was not ready to fulfill her responsibilities towards V's family. Currently they both are living separately and their marriage is on the verge of breaking.

From these two incidents, I inferred that Marriage is a Gamble. Seriously!! We cannot say that a marriage will be successful or not depending on whether it is arranged or love, at least not in today's times. In older days, people were not so demanding and readily compromised. However, the scenario is much different now. If we say that arranged marriages fail because the two people do not get enough time to know each other, then why do love marriages fail where two people take ample time to decide that they wish to become life partners??? Somehow, the process of judging the other person goes wrong that ultimately leads to a failed marriage. A simple(err... not really!!) question for married people: How should we judge the other person and be sure about him/her being the correct life partner for us? Can anyone answer?


8 comments:

  1. there no right answers here, unfortunately, Radhika! Maybe, we need to enter the ground a little neutrally with realistic expectations. Sometimes, life throws unexpected circumstances at us. Ultimately, it is about setting your priorities

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    1. Agreed... baaki to future experiences will tell!!

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  2. Nice writing, Radhika and a valid question!The basic of any marriage is a close understanding between the two partners and enough room to accommodate each other's view :)

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    1. To me, it always seems to be a grey picture... neither black nor white... n therefore confusing!!

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  3. Marriage surely is a gamble, specially in our Indian society. You can't say anything about it before getting into the business. My number is due to be added in the list of the married ones and trust me it gives me nightmares.

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    1. Well.. all the very best for your married life!! Hope this gamble brings happiness and joy for you!!

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  4. I have thought about the same well. In the end it doesnt matter if its love or arranged marriage. It is all about understanding between the couple and most important of all giving importance to the beliefs of each other and respecting the differences.

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    1. Understanding and respect for each other are indeed the key factors to build good relationships...

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